How To Leave Work Functions Early Without “Missing Out”

In my first post, “7 Rules to Live By to Protect Your Professional Peace,” we discussed the importance of leaving work functions early.

Likely, you’re reading this because you’re about to attend your first work function, anticipating upcoming events, or you’ve had problems in the past and need some guidance. Either way, Your Corporate Big Sis has got your back! Keep reading for real insights from yours truly, and how I keep my reputation intact without sacrificing too much fun!

BONDING - Avoid the mess, get the best!

Your employer will likely try to sell everyone on the importance of attending after-work events (holiday and employee appreciation parties) as an opportunity to socialize and bond with your coworkers. It’s true! These are great opportunities to bond with your coworkers in ways that aren’t as easy while on the clock…but it’s also a breeding ground for disaster.

So, what’s the key to avoiding the mess? I’ll break it down for you(;

First, a little story time!

Once, I attended an off-site company event for employees and their plus ones. Everyone in the org was there! By the end of the night, I found myself in a (one-sided) conversation with a prominent executive (dare I say, THE executive). The line that finally forced me out the door was when they said “I see so much of myself in you. You’re exactly like me.” This went on a bit more, but it was awful standing at the bar with them while they narcissistically complimented me with slurred speech and glazed eyes. Not to mention the hand on my arm—ew. The following Monday, all I heard were stories about the shenanigans that ensued after the party when people went to a dive bar. Let me just say: Girl, was I glad I left when I realized the CEO himself was plastered. Oops, did I just name drop?

Secret #1: Always remember your own boundaries and gauge your comfort level when engaging with your coworkers.

PLAN YOUR APPROACH - You know what they say….plan for success, not failure(;

You’re not limited to your department or desk mates when you’re at these functions, so your opportunities are limitless (Girl, shoot for those execs)!

“Ok, but how do I do that if I don’t have any rapport with them?”

Easy peasy! You’ve got to work your way up to the executives. Don’t just walk into the party and march up to the CEO like they’re your bestie. Think of it like a game: Work the levels up to the final boss. This will build your confidence and help you feel more at ease. You’ll also get a vibe from them on how comfortable they are and what they deem appropriate to talk about! Of course, just because they’re higher up the food chain doesn’t mean they are perfect (refer to above story about an embarrassing executive).

While we plan a well-thought out approach to attending parties with intent and purpose, I want you to think about your company's hierarchy. Now, it's time to put those manifestations you saw on TikTok to practice with one of the two approaches I outline below!

In-depth Approach: For my Type A overachievers!
Start by thinking about your end goal for the evening. Perhaps you have great ideas for improvements that you want to share with the right person. Now is the time to do so!

Once you’ve established your goal, you can work backwards to find your starting point. Come up with one or two key people that have the power to grant you what you want. We’ll consider them to be your “Big Boss” in the video game schema we’re creating.

From here, we’re going to jump down to Level One. Ask yourself, “Who do I already know that can introduce me to or aid the conversation with [insert Big Boss here]?” This person should be someone you trust and have a good working relationship with. If you don’t have a direct connection that can do this, figure out the relationship matrix from you to the Big Boss and play the game!

Example:

You have a great relationship with someone from another team. Fortunately, their supervisor happens to be a good friend of the director in charge of the engagement committee that you want to be a part of. Ask that coworker to introduce you to their supervisor! Extra points if they do it when their supervisor and the director are together. Two birds, one stone(;

If you don’t have a direct goal, but you know you want to improve something (like a soft skill), think about who in your organization embodies these qualities and skills (i.e., someone you might look up to). And there you have it! Your Big Boss. Get to work, Princess Peach!

Simple Approach: For my girlies that like to go with the flow!
Instead of working your way to chat with a particular person, you can establish a few key adjustments to practice toward becoming “That Girl” you strive to be.

Example:

You want to become a better public speaker. Ask yourself why you feel you aren’t good at it. Maybe you’re like me and have an uncontrollable full face blush that always comes out (Did somebody say tomato? Oh, no. It’s just me!).

What did I do to work on that? SHOCKER - I started verbally acknowledging it!
This shift brought back my power. I may have not immediately stopped blushing, but I was able to lessen the awkward feeling I had that made it worse.
Over time, doing this type of inner work will lead to a more confident and self-assured person. The more you learn to accept who you are at your core, the more comfortable and confident you will be expressing your authentic self. And that’s what it’s all about, my friends.

Secret #2: Address the elephant in the room so you can move on to the important matters.

SOCIAL AWARENESS - Keep that head on a swivel and those ears tuned in!

Your ability to keep out of tricky situations boils down to the level of social awareness you maintain. Some call it emotional intelligence, EQ, or social awareness. Label it whatever you want, but start by practicing this:

Take a look around the room every once in a while.
Observe: Are Nancy and Bill standing a bit too close? How many tequila shots has Chad had? Can you hear the Ops department from across the room?
Evaluate: What observations can you make about the party and the direction it’s heading in based on their behavior?

Ensure you are operating in a safe and productive space by listening to your intuition. Remember what I said about trusting your own instincts; even if you’re talking with execs. If it feels weird, I encourage you to say “bye-bye” to a few important people and slip out with grace. Don’t be like Cinderella—take your heels with you when you leave!

Messy isn’t a good look, and I know those kitten heels are cute—so let’s keep that ensemble together and stay classy. Exit early; leave them wanting more.

REPUTATION - It’s more valuable than your shoe collection!

Any Swifties here? Let’s get one thing straight: Your reputation is the only thing that people remember when you leave the room—or the company(; If you’ve watched The Gilded Age or Gossip Girl, you know that who you associate with deeply impacts your reputation. It seems tricky to navigate, but it’s honestly quite simple.

Think about your coworkers: Who is spoken of highly? Who is gossiped about? Who is gossiping? Who do you not hear mentioned at all? Are there any commonalities?

Likely, you’ll notice that those held in high regard seldom speak about others, and those who talk too much usually aren’t the first to get promoted. (Let’s not forget about nepotism, though). In general, your “Superstars” are going to keep it like Sabrina: Short n’ Sweet <3.

Secret #3: Model the behavior of those successful “Superstar” individuals.

I’ll admit, it’s a bit hard to do this when you’re brand new to a company. However, you’ll quickly figure it out if you pay attention.

Remember in my last post “Why We Don’t Talk About Our Dating Life at Work,” I mentioned that the right people will like you because you do your job well and respect yourself? That same rule applies here.

The people that are doing their job well and respect themselves will see that same quality in you when you put that into practice. They aren’t going to show up on the first day and welcome you to their inner circle—quite honestly, they don’t care! They’ll start showing up when they hear your name mentioned by other well respected people for the quality work that you’re doing.

Secret #4: The people who warn you about others and go out of their way to welcome you are most-often the ones you want to avoid!

Your reputation is a direct reflection of who you are, what you do, and who you surround yourself with.
If you ask me, I’d say that your character comes first; then your reputation. But that’s a topic for another day!

These can be tricky waters if you’re a newbie, super socialite, or simply struggle with boundaries. Everyone loves a good party, and those work functions usually have an open bar. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking “it’s a work function, nothing can go wrong” but trust me, there are always a handful of people that abuse that freedom.

That’s all to say, you just have to have a plan, stick to it, and practice awareness. Awareness of your surroundings (as a woman, you should already have this down), of other’s behavior, presenting intoxication levels, topics of conversation, etc. If you show up knowing who you want to talk to, what you want to talk about, and what goal you want to achieve by doing so—you’re already 80% of the way there! The last 20% is showing up, following through, and knowing when to leave. If you get stuck on the following through part, just remember: you’re doing this for your future self. Have that girl’s back, because she certainly has yours…and so do I(;

Stay tuned for deep dives on setting boundaries without burning bridges, surviving happy hour without oversharing, and more.

Let me be your guide. Learn from my mistakes—no fluff, no BS. Catapult your future with lessons I learned the hard way. Stick with me and you’ll get the stories, the nuance, and maybe even some solid advice(; No gatekeeping here—just love, light, and a little humor.

Until next time, girls.

—Your Corporate Big Sis

The views, opinions, and stories expressed in this post are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of the author’s current employer or colleagues unless explicitly stated. This content is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental unless otherwise noted.