Why We Don’t Talk About Our Dating Life at Work

In my first post, 7 Rules to Live By to Protect Your Professional Peace, we discussed the importance of keeping your mouth shut! To put it lightly(;

If you’re reading this, you've probably got a new job or you’re a fresh corporate girly trying to learn the ropes. Either way, Your Corporate Big Sis has got your back! Keep reading for a real story from yours truly, and how I handle boundaries in a way that’s professional, polite, and non-confrontational.

Let’s get real. I know your first instinct is to try to win everyone over as the new girl...bringing in bagels, donuts, and Starbucks your first week.

Newsflash, sis: It’s completely unnecessary and quite honestly over-played. Leave all that to the clients and bosses.

The right people will like you because you do your job well and respect yourself.

Doing the most often attracts the worst. And in a professional setting, "too nice" can quickly translate to "too available" — especially to the weirdos men.
We don’t want that.

When you’re young, cute, and new there’s bound to be at least one person who tries to shoot their shot! The compliments, flirty jokes, and “let’s go to happy hour or grab lunch sometime” might be flattering or entertaining at first, but it gets old real quick. And let me tell you — you do not want to deal with the awkwardness of enforcing a boundary after you’ve already let someone cross it.

If it’s not uncomfortable now, it will be later. Stop it before it gets too far.

“But Kirsten, how do I engage with my coworkers, not be a mute, and have boundaries?”

Having conversations with your coworkers without crossing any lines is absolutely possible.

YOU have to know your boundaries and how to consistently enforce them. I say this because some coworkers are curious; not everyone understands the assignment.

It’s the curious ones you need to watch out for.

Let’s take a look at two versions of the same conversation, one of which is based on a true story…(Don’t worry, I survived):

Convo #1 (Don’t do this)

Coworker: Hey! Are you dating these days?

You: Dating? Oh, no…no, no, no.

Coworker: Oh, haha ok! Well, I guess that answers my question then!

You: Yeah, men are just weird these days. Why?

Coworker: Well, someone has been asking me about you! He’s interested in you and wanted to know if you were available.

You: Lol, no! I don’t date coworkers. In general, I’m not dating right now! Just not emotionally available. I’m curious, though. Who was it? There is one person I’ve seen around that is really cute - I wouldn’t do anything, but he’s nice to look at!

Girl, what? Are you the queen of mixed-messages? What is going on here? Think before you speak — specifically, how others will interpret and respond to you. If it won’t lead to respecting your boundaries, re-evaluate your response.

Convo #2 (Do this instead)

Coworker: Hey! Are you dating these days?

You: I actually am not, but in general I don’t like discussing my dating life at work! Thanks for asking, though.

Coworker: Oh, haha ok! Well, I guess that answers my question then!

You: Yepp!

Coworker: Another coworker has been asking me about you! He’s interested in you and wanted to know if you were available. I thought I’d ask.

You: That’s kind! Respectfully, I have a rule about not discussing my dating life at work. I also don’t date coworkers. So that would be a no. Thanks, though!

Who are you? Miss America? So diplomatic. So demure.
Do you see the difference now? You shut it down once. They pushed the line. You held your ground and stood on business — in a nice, respectful and polite manner.
Reputation intact; respect earned.

Understanding the Difference

In both conversations, your coworker pushed your established boundary. In conversation #1, you entertained them with mixed-signals, cracking open the door for them to barge in. In conversation #2, you kept it cute but held it steady. This is what setting boundaries looks like — not rude, not weird, but respectful and grown.

The key to establishing and protecting your boundaries is immediate enforcement and consistency.

And it’s not just about your dating life — this goes for any personal conversation. If your coworker starts venting about their divorce or trauma and you wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing something equally personal — you don’t have to. Be polite, wish them well, and exit stage left.
Remember: Just because someone invites you to a conversation, doesn’t mean you have to RSVP.

It’s perfectly okay to feel weird setting your boundaries.

This is a good sign. You’re exercising a muscle for the first time, of course it’s going to feel weird. If you’re a people-pleaser (hello, that’s me!) this will take a while to get used to. Eventually, you’ll see that it’s in your best interest and it will become second nature in no time. 

You’re not here to be liked by everyone. You’re here to be respected and feel at peace. And if someone gets upset about your boundary?
They were never safe to begin with.
Bullet = Dodged.

So next time someone starts digging for details, remember:
You don’t owe anyone a peek into your personal life; if you decide to share, it will be on your terms — not theirs.

Keep it professional. Keep it light. And above all, keep it moving.

Stay tuned for deep dives on setting boundaries without burning bridges, surviving happy hour without oversharing, and more.

Let me be your guide. Learn from my mistakes—no fluff, no BS. Catapult your future with lessons I learned the hard way. Stick with me and you’ll get the stories, the nuance, and maybe even some solid advice(; No gatekeeping here—just love, light, and a little humor.

Until next time, girls.

—Your Corporate Big Sis

The views, opinions, and stories expressed in this post are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of the author’s current employer or colleagues unless explicitly stated. This content is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental unless otherwise noted.